Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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