fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
