help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
