those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
