i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
now i know why i became what i already was.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
