i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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