No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
