my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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