i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
