i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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