dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
