I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
