in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
