idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
