I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
