I skipped work to stalk him.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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