I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
