I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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