I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
