# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
