I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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