I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
