My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
