come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have tasted many bathrooms
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
