i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You ate ashes out of my bong
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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