He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
