We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
