he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
