The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
