I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
