jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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