I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
