He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
