where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
