i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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