did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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