Plan B is the new Plan A
If that was your dad, he is hot
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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