I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Moan for me like Helen Keller
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
