So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
