my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
