my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
