Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
