in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
