So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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