someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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