yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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