i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
