if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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