Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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