matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
