We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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