Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
